Grave As All Get-Out

Excerpt

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Chapter One

I knew it was going to be a bad idea even before I knew I knew.

“Why did I let you talk me into coming here?” I looked at Poppa. Present in ghost form, he was here to protect me, the sheriff of Cottonwood. “I ought to kick my own ass for giving in.”

I was thoroughly regretting my decision to take my best friends, Jolee Fischer and Katy Lee Hart, up on going to see a psychic medium tonight.

Not just any psychic medium but Seraphina Moon, the psychic medium who had all of Cottonwood up in arms. Religious arms, moral arms, believing arms, hoping arms, and just plain-out wishing arms that someone they loved would come from the great beyond, a big guy in the sky, to give them some peace right here on living earth.

Poppa gave me his best aw-shucks grin, the one that always got him out of trouble when he was alive. Now, as a ghost, it was still just as infuriating.

 

“Aw, Kenni bug.” Poppa used the nickname he called me all my life. “It’s good for you to keep an eye on things, even if they seem a bit… out of the ordinary,” he said.

I felt like there was an underlying reason he’d yet to disclose.

“Besides, just think of all the people you can help if she does see some spirits that—well, let’s say are cold cases.”

“I’ve had enough cases over the last few years to last me a lifetime. I don’t need more cases.” I sighed and looked out the windshield of my old Jeep Wagoneer, the same one Poppa had driven for years. The beanbag coffee holder was still perched over the hump in the floorboard, cradling my coffee cup.

“You are the only ghost I want to handle,” I finished, picking up the coffee mug and putting it up to my lips, looking at Seraphina Moon’s house that loomed in front of us.

It was an old Victorian that had seen better days. Tonight, it was lit up like a Christmas tree, though we were still a few months from Christmas, with fairy lights strung up and a crowd gathering on the lawn.

Seraphina, a self-proclaimed psychic in town, was holding a public gathering to read ghosts. Or so she claimed.

It was all the talk of the town, or at least it’d become the talk of the town due to Tavin Tidwell’s public social media pages.

You see, Tavin Tidwell had been a thorn in my side over the last few months, now that he was running for a spot on the city council and had coerced my one and only deputy—now ex-deputy—Scott Lee to run against me.

Tavin and Scott were a two-for-one ticket, and well, we were in the Bible Belt, which meant people like Seraphina weren’t exactly embraced with open arms. But there they were, gathered to see her work her supposed magic.

Poppa floated beside me, my deputy ghost, as we made our way toward the front porch, where Seraphina had set up shop.

“You know as well as I do that woman’s as fake as a three-dollar bill,” Poppa said, shaking his head.

“You said to give her a try,” I muttered, more to myself than to him. “Now you have your doubts.” I harrumphed.

I’d heard from my best friends, who were now waving and pointing to a seat right up front that they’d saved for me, how Seraphina had been creating quite the ruckus in Cottonwood, making our little community less than the cozy and quiet small Southern town we’d become accustomed to.

Jolee Fischer was waving like a madwoman, her blond hair bouncing in pigtails. She had that big, bright smile on her face, the one that could cheer anyone up no matter what. Jolee ran On the Run, the mobile café that kept everyone in town happy with its delicious coffees and snacks. She was always in the middle of things, full of energy and always ready to help.

 

Next to her was Katy Lee, grinning from ear to ear. Katy Lee looked as stylish as ever, with her perfectly done hair and trendy outfit. She owned Shabby Trends, the go-to place for anyone in town who wanted to look their best. Katy Lee had a way of making everyone feel welcome, whether they were shopping in her store or just stopping by for a chat. Her friendly nature and warm heart made her a beloved figure in Cottonwood.

Seeing them waving and smiling made me feel a lot better about being there. No matter what trouble Seraphina Moon was stirring up, I knew I had Jolee and Katy Lee in my corner, especially when I saw Tavin Tidwell turn his phone around and move it as though he were following me.

“That son of a…” Poppa spouted when he noticed the very thing we didn’t want:

Tavin Tidwell filming me as he did a live event on one of his social media platforms.

That’d been his ammunition against me. Every time there was a call over the dispatch, somehow Tavin Tidwell beat me there.

Yes. He had a police scanner like all the citizens of Cottonwood did. It was a way of life around these parts. The scanners were as much a part of daily life as a television had come to be.

I’d heard all over town how Seraphina Moon had grown popular. A little too popular.

She was readin’ people’s minds from the great beyond. Even getting people to do things they would normally never do, like sell family estates to buy an RV, drive off into the sunset for a life on the road, and give Ms. Moon a donation.

That smelled like a scam to me.

 

Was it illegal?

Probably not, but definitely immoral at best, and well, I sure did hate to see my townsfolk and friends get scammed by someone.

I took a deep breath and forced a smile as we moved through the crowd, which was a mix of eager believers and skeptical onlookers.

I made my way to the seat Jolee and Katy Lee had saved for me and took in the large crowd who were pulling out their wallets, stuffing a few gallon mason jars with cold, hard cash.

“Don’t you worry, Kenni bug,” Poppa said with a mischievous twinkle in his eye. “I got this.”

Before I could say anything, Poppa ghosted over to Tavin. I watched as Poppa started to have a bit of fun at Tavin’s expense. He leaned in close to Tavin’s ear and began blowing softly, just enough to ruffle his hair. Tavin swatted at the air, looking around in confusion.

Poppa wasn’t done. He moved to Tavin’s other side and started flicking his ear. Tavin’s hand shot up to rub his ear, eyes darting around as if a bug had flown by. No one else could see Poppa, but Tavin’s growing frustration was plain as day.

Then Poppa did the funniest thing yet. He floated right above Tavin and began to tap his nose repeatedly. Tavin wrinkled his face, crossing his eyes to look at his own nose, and started swatting at it like there was a persistent fly. The whole spectacle was so ridiculous I had to stifle a laugh.

Jolee and Katy Lee looked over at me, eyebrows raised. “What’s so funny?” Jolee whispered.

“Oh, nothing,” I said, waving it off and trying to keep a straight face. “Just enjoying the show. What’s that line for?”

“That’s if you want to have a reading or at least hope to have a reading by Seraphine Moon tonight.” Katy Lee practically bounced out of the summer dress she was wearing, she was so filled with excitement. “I might’ve put in a hundred.”

“Dollar? Bill?” My voice hit a high note that I’d not expected to come out of me.

I slammed my mouth shut and noticed Jolee gawking at me from behind Katy Lee, drawing a finger along her neck as if she were gesturing for me to keep my big mouth shut.

“Well.” Ahem, I cleared my throat. “I sure hope Rowdy comes through.”

Rowdy Hart was Katy Lee’s brother who was murdered. Though we did bring the killer to justice, it never lessened the loss, not only to the Hart family but also our community.

Jolee was right. If this self-proclaimed medium could help Katy Lee feel just an inkling better, I was all for it.

But I was still on high alert for any scam.

That’s what Tavin was here for, and no doubt happy to see that I’d at least heard all the claims he’d been spouting off about me and how I’d let Cottonwood go to hell in a handbasket.

Malarkey.

Poppa floated back over, a satisfied grin on his face.

“That’ll teach him not to mess with my granddaughter,” he said, clearly pleased with himself.

A silence fell over the crowd, and all eyes focused on the house in front of us.

Seraphina stood on the porch, a tall, willowy figure draped in a flowing purple robe, her dark hair cascading over her shoulders. She had a serene, otherworldly look about her, but Poppa’s constant muttering about her theatrics kept me grounded.

“Welcome, everyone,” Seraphina began, her voice smooth and melodic. “Tonight, we open the door to the other side. If there are any spirits among us, please make yourselves known.”

She waved a couple of what looked like fancy stones in the air as she sucked in a deep breath or two. The stones she held were smooth and polished, glinting in the fairy lights strung up around the porch. They caught the light and seemed to glow faintly, adding to the mystical atmosphere she was trying to create. Seraphina’s long, slender fingers caressed the stones as she nodded her head, eyes closed in concentration.

She opened her eyes and scanned the crowd, her gaze intense and penetrating. “I feel a strong presence here tonight,” she said, her voice dropping to a whisper. “A spirit who has been waiting for this moment.”

The crowd leaned in, captivated by her performance. I couldn’t help but notice the stones again, how she kept them close, almost like talismans. There was something about them that didn’t sit right with me, but I couldn’t put my finger on it.

Poppa, floating beside me, muttered under his breath. “She’s a real piece of work, Kenni bug. Those stones are nothing but cheap tricks.”

His large nose curled.

 “She couldn’t see a ghost if it danced a jig right in front of her.” Poppa snorted, then he went to prove his point.

Poppa floated right up to the porch and started doing the most ridiculous dance I’d ever seen. He kicked his legs out and flailed his arms, looking like a ghostly scarecrow come to life. Then, he added some crazy waving, as if he was signaling a ship from the shore.

The crowd remained transfixed on Seraphina, completely oblivious to Poppa’s antics. He floated back and forth, wiggling his hips and even attempting a ghostly moonwalk. I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing out loud.

Seraphina continued, eyes closed, swaying gently as if feeling some ethereal breeze. “I sense a presence,” she intoned. “A strong spirit, protective and… familiar.”

Poppa didn’t miss a beat. He leaned in close to her, making silly faces and waving his hands in front of her face. Not even a twitch from Seraphina.

“Oh, come on, lady!” Poppa huffed. “I’m right here!” He started doing jumping jacks then transitioned into a lively jig, complete with exaggerated arm movements and knee-slapping.

It was all I could do to hold it together.

Jolee nudged me. “You okay?” she whispered, concerned.

“Yeah,” I managed, stifling a chuckle.

You see, no one could see Poppa.

That was a lie.

Duke, my dog, could see Poppa, but other than him, no one. I’d never told anyone, not even my fiancé, Finn Vincent.

Over the last few years, I’d been very careful when going out in public with Poppa showing up. Tonight, he was just too funny for me not to chuckle out loud a few times.

I bit back a smile and glanced around. The townsfolk were hanging on Seraphina’s every word, their faces a mix of hope and curiosity.

 I spotted Betty Murphy, Cottonwood’s most notorious gossip—as well as my dispatcher and secretary down at the sheriff’s department—standing near the front, clutching her purse like it was a lifeline. If Seraphina managed to convince Betty, the whole town would be talking about it by morning.

Seraphina’s eyes snapped open, and she pointed directly at me.

“You,” she said, her voice suddenly sharp. “You have a spirit with you. A guardian.”

The crowd turned to look at me, and I felt a flush creep up my neck.

“Yeah, sure,” I muttered, not bothering to hide my sarcasm.

Poppa floated alongside me as I made my way toward the front porch, where Seraphina had set up shop.

“I see you, Sheriff Kenni Lowry,” she said, her voice carrying over the murmurs of the crowd. “Your grandfather, the former sheriff, is with you. He is so proud of you, of the work you do for Cottonwood.”

I shot a glance at Poppa, who was grinning from ear to ear.

“Well, she got that right,” he said, puffing out his chest. “But let’s see what else she thinks she knows.”

Seraphina then turned her long, pointed finger toward Tavin Tidwell, who was still busy filming with his phone.

“And you, Tavin Tidwell,” she intoned, her voice dripping with theatrical seriousness. “Your spirit guide says you need to be careful, that danger surrounds you.”

Poppa chuckled beside me. “If she only knew the half of it,” he whispered. “Protecting him? Now that’s a laugh.”

The crowd buzzed with curiosity, their eyes darting between Tavin and Seraphina. Tavin lowered his phone slightly, looking a bit uneasy.

Seraphina’s gaze returned to me. “The spirits tell me that your path is fraught with challenges, Sheriff Lowry. But with your grandfather’s guidance, you will overcome them.”

Poppa rolled his eyes. “She’s laying it on thick, isn’t she? If she knew I was here, she’d be asking me for pointers.”

Tavin straightened up and turned his phone back toward me, his expression shifting to one of righteous indignation.

“I’m here to see exactly what our sheriff is going to do about this heathen woman,” he declared loudly, making sure everyone could hear. “The good folks of Cottonwood don’t like the likes of this woman here, and she is a scam.”

He turned the phone to show the crowd and then back to me, his eyes glinting with challenge.

“There are over nine thousand people watching this live,” he said, his voice dripping with smug satisfaction. “What do you have to say, Sheriff?”

I felt the weight of all those virtual eyes on me, waiting for my response. I squared my shoulders and met Tavin’s gaze head-on.

“My job is to keep the peace and protect the people of Cottonwood,” I said, my voice steady. “And that’s exactly what I intend to do. We don’t tolerate scams or troublemakers here, but we also don’t jump to conclusions without evidence.”

“So you’re saying you don’t believe she’s a scam?” Tavin’s smirk faltered slightly, but he quickly recovered.

“I’m not doing anything wrong here on my property,” Seraphina proclaimed. “Did I force you to come here, Mr. Tidwell? Or you?” She pointed at Jolee, who shook her head no. “Or you?” She pointed to Katy.

“No, I just wanted to see if you could connect to my brother,” Katy said, taking the opportunity to see if Rowdy was coming through.

“Poor girl,” Poppa murmured, his voice soft with sadness. “She still misses him so much.”

 “You might be fooling some of these folks, but you’re not fooling me.” Tavin, not one to be outdone, stepped forward, his voice taking on a more menacing tone. “And let me tell you, we don’t take kindly to scams and lies here in Cottonwood. You’d best be careful, Seraphina. We don’t need your kind causing trouble in our town. And that’s why I’m backing Scott Lee as sheriff. And all of you should too. He would not let this type of evil infiltrate our town!”

His words hung in the air, heavy with implied threat. The crowd murmured uneasily, glancing between Tavin and Seraphina. It was clear this wasn’t just about a psychic reading anymore; it was about something much deeper, a clash between beliefs and skepticism, and Tavin was at the center of it.

“I’m not here to cause trouble, Mr. Tidwell.” Seraphina’s serene smile wavered just a fraction, but she quickly regained her composure. “I’m here to help those who seek it. The spirits have guided me here, and I intend to fulfill my purpose.”

Poppa had ghosted himself up on the porch and flailed in front of Seraphina.

“Yep, she’s a fake.” Poppa came nose to nose with the professed medium, but she didn’t seem to see him at all. “If she could see ghosts, she’d see me.”

“Just remember, I’m watching you. And so are a lot of other people.” Tavin’s voice brought me back to the situation between him and Seraphina. He narrowed his eyes, his grip tightening on his phone.

He glanced at me, then back at Seraphina, as if daring either of us to challenge him before he shoved his phone into his pocket and stormed off. But not without smacking the folding chairs in the back row next to where Lulu McClain was sitting.

“Watch it,” Lulu snarled.

I jumped to my feet when I noticed Tavin stop short of her. He bent over, and though I couldn’t hear what he was saying, I could see his mouth spitting out words that caught Lulu off guard.

That wasn’t easy to do.

“Looks like he’s leaving,” Jolee said, reaching up to touch my arm as though she wanted me to sit back down.

I cleared my throat and sat down, smiling at my girlfriends who thought it was going to be a fun night out.

“Now that an unbeliever is gone,” Seraphina began and smiled while she took another deep breath, appearing to recenter herself into the spirit world.

She closed her eyes and swayed gently, her hands outstretched.

“I sense a spirit, a young male,” she said, her voice soft and melodic. “He was taken too soon, his life cut short by a tragic event.”

Katy Lee’s eyes widened, her knuckles white as she gripped the edge of her seat.

“He worked in a graveyard,” Seraphina continued, her eyes still closed. “He was devoted to his job, always making sure the grounds were well-kept. His spirit is at peace, though he misses his loved ones dearly.”

Katy Lee nodded, her eyes misting over. This was exactly what her brother did before he died, and the words seemed to hit her hard.

“He wants you to know,” Seraphina went on, her voice dropping to a near whisper, “that he is happy in the beyond. He feels your love and wants you to know he watches over you every day.”

The crowd was silent, hanging on her every word. But to me, the narrative was so vague it could apply to almost anyone who’d lost a loved one. It was a perfect mix of common sentiments that people longed to hear.

Poppa floated beside me, rolling his eyes. “She’s as slick as an eel, that one,” he muttered. “But look how she’s got them all eating out of her hand.”

Katy Lee sniffled, a small smile forming on her lips as she looked up at Seraphina with gratitude.

“Thank you,” Katy Lee whispered.

Seraphina opened her eyes and smiled gently.

 “The spirits are always with us, guiding us and watching over us. Remember that, and you will find peace.” A long, satisfying sigh came out of Seraphina.

The crowd murmured appreciatively. I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was more to Seraphina than met the eye. Whether she was a scam or truly believed in what she was doing, she had a power over people that couldn’t be ignored. And with Tavin’s thinly veiled threats hanging in the air, I knew I had to keep my wits about me.

 “There’s something fishy going on here,” Poppa said, his tone serious. “I can’t get my noggin’ wrapped around what it is, but something is in the air.”

Poppa lifted his chin and sniffed the air like a little puppy dog before he vanished.

I kept my eyes on Seraphina, taking mental notes. Her confidence, her theatrics, and those stones all felt too calculated, too perfect. It was as if she knew exactly what she was doing, playing the crowd like a fiddle.

As the night wore on, Seraphina continued her readings, each more dramatic than the last.

Each one leading me to believe she was not the real deal.

end of excerpt