Color Me Love

Excerpt

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Chapter One
“Hi, Is Rebecca there?” I looked at Rebecca Seaton’s photo sent in by her soon to be ex-boyfriend. Nick Brooks sent in to my online breakup service, Splitsville.com.

That’s one of the requirements. The client has to send in a picture of the dumpee, plus a few personal questions only the client and dumpee would know the answers to. That way when the dumpee hits the disbelief stage in “the process,” I can throw out one of the secrets.

“Speaking.” The chipper voice on the other end of the phone was about to get a lot less chipper.

“I’m Jenn from Splitsville.com, and Nick is breaking up with you.” I just stated the facts. There was no reason to go into detail at this point. And Nick had paid extra to have the breakup voice recorded and participate in the Valentine’s Massacre Special, at which I will email immediately to him after Rebecca and I hang up.

“Wait, who are you?” There was a little panic in Rebecca’s voice.

I looked at her picture again, and gave her a sympathetic smile, even though she couldn’t see it. Not necessarily bad looking, but the four cats that were surrounding her seemed to be the focus of her attention and not poor Nick, who was in the background with a scowl on his face.

“I’m Jenn from Splitsville.com. I’m calling on behalf of Nick. He is breaking up with you.” I use Jenn as an alias. Olivia Davis was my real name, but I’ve found that my online breakup service pissed a lot of people off and I don’t want to find my real self at the end of that line.

Yeah, yeah. I know. . .it sounds heartless breaking all these peoples’ hearts, but why would they want to be in a relationship when the other person doesn’t?

Especially around Valentine’s Day.

I tapped the handy breakup stages that are tacked up on the bulletin board behind my monitor with my fingertip. It was a list that hasn’t failed me or Splitsville.com yet.

Let me back up a little bit. Splitsville.com started a couple of years ago when a friend wanted to dump her boyfriend. She was a big chicken, so I did it for her. Called his ass up, broke the news and Splitsville.com was born.

Here’s how it works. Clients contact me through an online form where they give their name, email address, working phone number for the dumpee, reason for dumping, a few details of their relationship, and a picture of the victim and, the most important part, payment in full. The reason for the cashola up front was in case the dump was a joke. In that case, they deserved to lose their money for being an ass and I deserved to keep it for having to deal with them.

I offered three “Breakup” packages. The cheapest and most popular is “the general breakup” for a low price of fifty dollars. “The engagement breakup” is a little steeper at one hundred dollars. It totally should be more because I couldn’t imagine being in the fiancé’s shoes on this one. And the worst and most expensive breakup of all is “the divorce breakup” setting the big jerk or jerkette back a mere two hundred dollars.

Anyway, I used a list I call “the process.” It was the steps that each dumpee goes through before they believe that they’ve been dumped. I only keep the list so I know how much longer I’m going to be on the phone with the dumpee.

 

The Process

1. Panic (This is the first emotion when they hear the words breakup).

2. Disbelief (They think I’m playing a joke on them).

3. Defensive (After they realize I’m not joking, they want to explain their side).

4. Explanation (They want me to explain the situation all over again).

5. Denial (This is where they take it out on me and deny my existence).

6. Anger (Awww…this is where my ear drum gets busted).

7. Acceptance (Finally!) They have to acknowledge the breakup and I can end the

call.

And today I didn’t have a lot of time. My best friend Erin was opening up a new dating service, Color Me Love.

Ironic? Maybe.

But I offered my services to help her. You see, I have “a gift.”

Reading auras was my “gift” as some people call it. I call it—chains. I’m locked into my life of suffering. I see auras. People’s auras, animal auras, you name it.

I didn’t really know what it was as a child. I quickly learned not to talk about it. My dad left when I was eight and the only memory I have of him was yelling at my mother.

“Damn it, Dawn.” He’d say, “You’ve got Olivia believing in that crap.” And he’d grab me and scream, “Don’t you dare go around telling the town folk about your crazy colors. They’ll lock you up in juvie.”

I didn’t know what juvie was, but I knew it didn’t sound good. Momma and I’d kept our mouths shut, that is until Aunt Matilda found out daddy left us and she came to stay.

“Be proud of who you are!” Aunt Matilda would look deep into my eyes. She gave me scarves to match the auras I’d describe to her and she made me skirts with all the colors of the rainbow in them.

That’s when I wished Aunt Matilda was my momma instead of Dawn. Then, one day momma went to the market and never came back. For the longest time, I thought I’d actually wished her away.

But all that’s in the past.

Still, I’m going to be helping Erin out at Color Me Love. Actually, I’m going to sit behind a two-way mirror window reading the client’s aura while Erin interviews them.

I will tell Erin which suitor will be the best match for her client based on their aura compatibility.

That way, they won’t see me, but I will be able to see their auras. She has to do this one suitor at a time or my senses go all haywire. This was one of the other reasons I started Splitsville.com. If I focus on too many people at once, I pass out. And that becomes very hard to explain once you do it several times a day. Plus, I’ve been fired a lot because they think I’m a liability.

I clicked over to my PayPal account and made sure Nick had paid for my services. I was happy to see the payment was made.

“Who is this?” Rebecca laughed into the phone. “This is a joke, right?”

“Oh, Rebecca, I never joke about breakups.” I took the list off the bulletin board. “I’m Jenn from Splitsville.com.” This time I said it a lot slower. I’m tired of repeating myself. And I do a lot of that in this job.

And tapped the first stage in “the process.”

Panic.

Here it comes.

“Splitsville dot what?” Rebecca’s voice was a tad more serious. “Why would Nick give you my number?”

Wow! We made it to the second stage of “the process” pretty fast. Disbelief.

“Actually, he hired me to break up with you through my online breakup service, Splitsville.com.” I try to get the words out as fast as I can, because as soon as the dumpee hears the word hire, they freak. “And he’s breaking up with you because you’ve turned into the cat lady. He said that four cats in one apartment are very annoying.”

I had to pause to catch my breath. I attached the phone headset to my ear so I can go let my dog, Herbie out to pee.

I looked out the front window. Usually my Aunt Matilda was here by now, but I didn’t see her truck. I glanced at my watch and noticed that I had to hurry up. Don’t want to be late for my new gig.

“There has to be a better reason than that,” Rebecca said.

“Nope.” I led the way to the back door and let Herbie out into the fenced in yard. I waved and then put my finger up to my mouth when I saw Aunt Matilda pull her truck into my driveway. That way she’d know I was on a dump. “Nick said that your apartment stinks, your clothes stink. And guess what? He doesn’t’ even like cats.”

I laugh out loud while I walked into the kitchen with Aunt Matilda behind me. I grabbed an extra mug and filled them up with coffee before I headed back to my office and plopped down in my chair.

“Well, he said he did.” Rebecca shot back.

“A cat, Rebecca, one cat. Not four.” I had to get to the point. I pulled out the secrets Nick listed on his form so Rebecca would believe me and begin to accept the fact that Nick had dumped her. “He says he doesn’t like the cat in the room when you two are intimate.”

“You mean sex?” Rebecca questioned. “They are cats.”

“Do you bring one of the cats in the bed after you are finished having sex?” I know this one is going to hit below the belt, but he said it. I read it right from the form he had to fill out. “Eww…what about all that hair?”

“You know what, this is a joke.” I could hear Rebecca fiddling around in the background.

I knew I’d gotten her attention. Time to move in for the kill.

“Rebecca, do you understand that Nick has broken up with you?” I had to get her acceptance recorded.

“So he hired you?” Rebecca headed right into the denial stage of “the process.”

I was hoping we could skip this stage. I glanced at the clock on my office wall, and Aunt Matilda sitting in the leather chair next to the window in my office. She tapped her fingernail on her watch.

Aunt Matilda was a retired palm reader, and she will come in handy (pun intended) at Color Me Happy. Erin thought it would be a great idea to use Aunt Matilda and her knowledge of reading love lines.

Aunt Matilda and I would do anything to help Erin’s business succeed. We thought Erin’s last business, Plan It, was a brilliant idea. It was a party planning business that did really well until the economy crashed.

Then people started serving their own pigs in a blanket and cheap box wine. And Plan It went belly up.

Unfortunately, a lot of businesses left Park City. Even our very own SPCA where I met Bradley, who introduced me to the furry love of my life, Herbie.

Really, I met Bradley while I was working a kissing booth for the SPCA fundraiser that Plan It coordinated. I’d do anything for Erin, even volunteer at the kissing booth. Bradley just happened to be standing in line for a kiss for a donation to the SPCA of course. He had me at blue aura.

Needless to say, I helped out a little around the SPCA while trying to clear Erin and myself of murder charges, and fell head over heels in love with Herbie. It was really only going to be temporary. Herbie was going to be my watchdog because it became clear someone was framing Splitsville.com when two of my clients turned up dead. Thank God, I was cleared of any charges and Splitsville.com would remain anonymous.

Herbie was suppose to go back to the SPCA, but he wormed his little schnauzer self into my bed and my heart, while Bradley took a new job at another SPCA across the country.

“I said he hired you?” Dumpee Rebecca bought me back from Memory Lane, along with Aunt Matilda clearing her throat.

“Yes he did. And let me repeat,” I paused, “he’s breaking up with you because you are turning into the cat lady.”

“Whatever. Is he going to let me borrow his car for a veterinarian appointment next week?” Rebecca asks as if I was Nick’s handler.

“He’s breaking up with you.” I tap the six stage of “the process.”

Anger.

“But he said I could borrow his car because mine’s in the shop.” Rebecca’s voice escalated.

I gestured for Aunt Matilda to go on without me. Rebecca wasn’t accepting this very well and it was taking much longer than I had anticipated.

“I don’t know about next week, all I know is that Nick is breaking up with you today. He’s dumping you and your cats.” I hated to be harsh, but Rebecca needed a good dose of reality.

“Who are you again?” The anger in her voice dripped through the phone.

I took another look at her five-five frame and wondered if she was a true redhead. She certainly matched her orange calico cats. This was one time I wished I could read auras through the phone. I’d put money on it that she was an environmental tan.

“I’m Jenn from Splitsville.com.” I swear I say that so much, I rehearsed it in my sleep. “Nick hired my online breakup service to break up with you and your cats. Am I going to see you on some cable reality show about animal hoarders? Am I?”

I know…insensitive, but in reality, I’m the biggest sap you’ll ever meet. I love to be in love, I love for people to be in love. But sometimes it was not love.

“No, I take good care of them.” Rebecca said softly.

I listened closely. I’m about to get the seventh and final stage of “the process.”

Acceptance.

“Rebecca, why do you want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t want to be with you anymore?” I didn’t wait for a reply. “Your four cats just cost you your relationship.”

There were sniffles on the other end. I prayed Rebecca was getting it.

“Rebecca, do you understand that you and Nick are broken up?” I held my crossed fingers in the air. If she gives me the yes, I can hang up and be at Color Me Love on time.

“Yes. Fine.” She slammed down the phone.

Thank you.

 

Chapter Two
Color Me Love was a perfect name for what was really going on behind the scenes. The night that Erin decided to close Plan It, Aunt Matilda said that she had a vision that Erin was going to open up a dating service.

After too many vodka and cranberries, we came up with the idea for Color Me Love. We started out joking that if we placed couples together by their auras, Color Me Love would get a great reputation and Erin’s list of clients would take off. Millionaire Matchmaker would have nothing over Color Me Love. Hell, Erin might be able to get a reality show out of it.

Plus aura dating, believe it or not, was becoming very popular. Especially in older adults. Recently, I had read an article that someone later in life was open to aura dating because they’ve been around the block a time or two and didn’t feel like going around that block anymore. They also claimed they could have a deeper connection with their aura mate and better understanding of one another.

Park City was not the smallest town, but not the biggest either. We’ve got the usual McDonald’s, Target, Starbucks, and large grocery chains. But it’s still big enough that there are some big players in the community that everyone knows.

So keeping me, Olivia Davis (anonymous as Jenn, the girl from Splitsville.com that was breaking hearts around the tri-state area) was super important. I get several death threats a month by email from people that I’ve dumped for my clients, but I know it’s only words. If those words ever came to reality, I knew I could depend on Carl and Ian, two of Park City’s finest police officers, to protect me.

Color Me Love was close to the senior center and Aunt Matilda’s house on Main Street. Aunt Matilda still comes over every morning to check on me, which is more than welcomed. And now she checked on Erin too, since Erin moved in with me last spring after her boyfriend was murdered in her apartment.

That’s another story for another day, but needless to say, my door was always open for my two favorite people. You’d think we’d drive in together, but Erin wanted to make sure everything was ready for her client’s first few potential suitors.

The Starbuck’s drive-through line was out into the turning lane off Main Street, but I had to get my non-fat mocha latte with an extra pump if I was going to be reading auras. The auras could be a little sketchy if these potential suitors were trying to put their best foot forward to impress Erin so that she would pick them.

After I got my latte, I pulled into the open parking space in front of Color Me Love. I looked past all the cut out hearts taped on the window, and saw Aunt Matilda already had one lucky guy sitting at her palm reading table with his mouth hanging open, looking completely dumbfounded.

I laughed, and had to wonder what he was thinking as she ran her long fingernail along the lines on his palm. Or maybe the heart headscarf that’s got her massive blonde hair knotted up had gotten his attention. Either way, Aunt Matilda was deep into his love line.

“Good morning.” I said, nodding and smiling as I passed and made eye contact with the guy.

I didn’t want to disturb Aunt Matilda while she was in her zone, but he definitely looked like he needed some saving, because his blue aura was taking up all the space.

“I. . .” I stammered trying to look away, but couldn’t.

My body went limp along with my hand. Before I knew it, I was in the guy’s arms and hot coffee was dripping off his clothes.

“Are you okay?” He asked. His green eyes sparkled even more with the blue tint surrounding his head.

Aunt Matilda peered over his shoulder with her knowing expression. There have been many times over the course of my life that auras take over all my senses and I’ve passed out. Only one blue aura man had ever caught me and stolen my heart.

Bradley.

See where that got me. . .alone. Bradley ran the local SPCA, and when it shut down, so did Bradley’s job. He transferred across the country to run a different SPCA.

We tried to make it work, or at least I did. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do for a man with a blue aura. Carl, Park City’s police chief, offered me a job reading the auras of criminals, but I turned it down so I could follow Bradley across the country. I had Splitsville.com, and it was entirely run through the internet, so I had a job, but I didn’t have Erin or Aunt Matilda.

After two weeks of living in the land of love, Herbie and I packed my old Toyota and drove back to Park City. My heart just wasn’t complete without Erin and Aunt Matilda.

“Olivia, are you okay?” Aunt Matilda patted the beads of hot coffee off my sweater with her headscarf. “You aren’t burned, are you?”

The guy sat me in the chair that he had been sitting in before I up and fainted.

“Blue. . .blue.” I made myself focus on Aunt Matilda as I fumbled for words.

“Yes, dear. It’s very cold and blue in here.” She got in front of the guy while completely understanding what I was trying to tell her. “Could you go and get a glass of water from the refreshment counter, Joel?”

Joel quickly ran off to retrieve the glass of water just like Aunt Matilda had told him to do.

“Now, get yourself together.” She peered into my eyes. “You are here to do a job, not fall in love with every single blue aura you come across.”

I knew she was right and this was exactly why I could never have a real job, but it was Valentine’s Day and love was in the air.

“What’s going on?” Erin smiled and tossed her head to the side making her bangs fall away from her eyes. “Why are you in here when you should be in there?” She pointed to the two-way mirror on the wall, which was really there for me to sit behind and read the auras.

I pointed to Joel. “Blue aura.”

Erin grabbed me by the arm. “Get in there.”

“Wait.” Joel said, stepping in front of us. He smiled. I closed my eyes before I fainted again. “You forgot your water. Olivia, right?”

My fingertip brushed up against his fingers that were wrapped around the cup. The spark caused me to drop the glass and it shattered everywhere.

“Damn!” Erin dropped her hand from my arm. “Here we go again.”

I rushed to the back through the doors that lead to the offices, and Aunt Matilda jingled the whole way behind me.

“From now on, you need to get here before anyone else.” She grabbed the broom before I could get it. “Now, go next door and grab another cup of coffee.”

I started to walk back to the front of Color Me Love.

“Not that way.” Aunt Matilda pointed to the back door. “That way. We can’t have you seeing ‘Mr. Blue’ anymore.”

I hung my head. I knew she was right. This was Erin’s business and Joel was for someone else. After all, he had answered the online hookup form that was a requirement before Erin would agree to interview suiters and set them up on dates with clients.

This particular client was hush, hush. Even Erin wouldn’t tell me who she was. All I knew was the client was a woman, very picky, private, and liked tall men. I was to go in based on the client’s criteria and try to pick the best auras for her type.

This was the tricky part. I had to see the auras of both people in order to match them up. Erin said that this particular client refused for anyone to know but Erin. Erin and I generally didn’t keep secrets between us or so I had thought.

I opened the back door to the alley that ran behind the strip mall stores. There was a delivery truck parked between the senior center and The Surplus Store.

“Hi, Vive.” I stopped to talk to Vive Kapila who owned The Surplus Store. I gestured toward the boxes the delivery guy was stacking up. “New shipment?”

“Ah, honey, we’ve got the best Valentine’s special.” Vive said, winking while pulling her gum out of her mouth like a taffy puller, and wrapping it around her finger. “You should come on in and have look.”

I’ll never forget the first time I walked into The Surplus to check out the different types of mace. Vive was behind the counter chomping on gum and filing down her long, hot pink nails. She was definitely attractive with her long black locks, but the puff of hair gathered at the top looked like Snookie from The Jersey Shore and needed to go.

“You really need to upgrade your defense spray to the new improved formula.” She used her nail as a knife and slit the box right open. She pulled out the smallest gun that would fit in the palm of my hand.

I backed away. Anything that resembles a gun freaks me out and she knew it. Last year I was held at gun point, but the mace Vive had sold me came in handy and I’d sprayed his ass. It held him until Cop Carl got there to take him away.

“Hold on.” She gripped the gun. “This looks like a gun, so it can scare the hell out of someone, but the grip is easier to spray than the can.”

Vive demonstrated the grip, doing her best Charlie’s Angels impression, but it still made me nervous.

“I’m telling ya, ya need to get this one.” Vive took a closer look at the small mace gun. “I’m even thinkin’ about gettin’ one.”

Vive pointed the gun at the delivery truck and peered down the sights before putting it back in the box.

“I’ll think about it,” I said. “I’m going to get a cup of coffee, do you want one?”

The Coffee Shop was next to The Surplus and had pretty good coffee.

“Naw. I’ve had my Mountain Dew this morning.” Vive said, waving before she walked through the back door of The Surplus.

After getting my large cup of coffee, I went back into Color Me Love to start the job Erin had hired me to do.

Read auras.

 

Chapter Three
Focus, focus. I reminded myself as I stared through the glass ogling Joel’s luminous blue aura.

I had to get a grip. This guy was perfect for Erin’s client, even though I’d never seen her client because of the hush order, but I knew the personality traits, which sounded a lot like my own.

But that blue aura got me every time. I think it had to do with my dad’s magenta aura. After he left us because of my reading colors and calling me crazy, I vowed never to love a man in my life with a magenta aura.

It’s not a bad aura, but accurate for my dad. He was free spirited, he didn’t like to conform, and living in Park City wasn’t a place where we could freely talk about our gift. The more he tried to threaten me to keep quiet, the stronger my gift of reading auras got.

Shortly after dad left, my momma left, causing me to hate my gift and anyone with a magenta aura. I’ve seen neither hide nor hair of them since.

It wasn’t until Aunt Matilda explained how I could use my aura to pick my friends, boyfriends, and even jobs. Only she didn’t tell me that auras collide and that I’d pass out.

My teachers thought I was shy because I did not make eye contact, when in reality, I’d pass out in the middle of class if I didn’t keep my head down. Aunt Matilda wasn’t going to let me stay out of school. She told me I had to learn to live with it because it was just who I am.

That was why Splitsville.com and the gig at Color Me Love were perfect for me.

And Joel’s blue aura was perfect. . .perfect for Erin’s client. Anyone in their right mind would love to date and marry a person with a blue aura. Not to mention Joel was six feet four, no bigger than a cake of soap, but looked great in his jeans and waffle thermal tee. Plus our eyes matched.

There was no way I was giving this one away. I had to find out who Erin’s client was.

“Wait!” I screamed when Joel stood up. Fortunately he couldn’t hear me behind the mirror, but Aunt Matilda shot the secret glass a look.

Funny how Aunt Matilda could feel me.

Joel shook Aunt Matilda’s hand and held the door for another potential suitor before he walked out.

In my little room, Erin had left a sheet of paper listing the names of ten potential dates for her client and a place for me to write notes about their auras. Next to each name were three different boxes. A yes, no, or maybe.

I ran my finger down the list until I came across Joel. I picked up the ink pen and quickly checked the no box.

“So what did you think about Joel?” Erin asked, walking in the room and shutting the door behind her.

“Not much.” I played it off and squinted, looking at the dirty blonde long-haired guy sitting down at Aunt Matilda’s table.

I didn’t want to look at Erin or she’d know something was up. That was one problem with being best friends since we were kids. She knew me better than I knew myself.

Erin peered over at the sheet and asked, “You checked no? Really?”

I pretended to make notes on the orange aura guy. There was no way I’d go out with him. Orange auras have too much daredevil in them for my taste. Hell, I was too scared to use my real name on Splitsville.com, much less jump out of airplanes as most orange auras did.

“Orange aura guy.” I tapped the end of my pen on the glass. “What’s his name?”

I wanted to make sure that I made the right notes on the right name.

“Buddy.” She handed me Buddy’s profile.

“Real name William, but goes by Buddy. Interesting.” I made another note to find out how he got that nickname.

I never really understood that. If you name was William and your job didn’t rely on protecting your true identity, why would you change it to something like Buddy? Really!

“Hi, this is my Buddy.” I said to Erin as though I was introducing the imaginary person next to me. “What kind of name is Buddy?”

“This isn’t Splitsville.com. I hired you to read auras so we can pick the best possible love interest for the client.” Erin pointed out the facts and put me in my place.

“Fine.” As hard as I tried to put Joel’s aura out of my mind and focus on Buddy’s orange one, the more Joel’s green eyes were stamped in my mind. “How can I pick this client’s perfect date if I don’t see the actual client’s aura?”

I knew it was sneaky, but I did have to keep Joel’s best interest at heart. Especially since he sported the aura I loved so much.

“I gave you her profile workup.” Erin picked it up off the table and handed it to me. “Didn’t you read it?”

Of course I read it. Super secret client sounded a lot like me. Not exactly, but very similar. Either way, I wasn’t going to be handing over Joel’s blue aura without a fight.

Erin read the client’s personality traits off one by one, “Will do anything for family and friends, hard worker, loves animals, not a neat freak, sensitive.”

Stop! Okay, so maybe with Splitsville.com I’m not so sensitive, but I knew the blue aura was for me.

Plus I definitely wasn’t a neat freak. That was one thing that I’ve always struggled with. Okay not struggle, but loathed. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not dirty. Just sloppy.

Aunt Matilda cleaned my house ounce, and it took me days to find my tennis shoes. Granted the tennies were in the closet where most people keep their shoes, but I’ve never put them in the closet. One next to the kitchen stove and one under my office desk was exactly where they should be when I need them.

“Fine.” Erin put her hands on her hips. “Act like we are trying to find a date for you. Then pick the guy.”

“No way” … I looked through the one-way glass at Buddy…“Would I ever date an orange aura.”

A daredevil I was not.

“What about Joel?” Erin pointed to the paper where the box was checked no. “He seemed fairly normal. Did you see those green eyes?”

Did I? I would be dreaming about those for years.

“I’m not here to judge on looks, remember?” I couldn’t let on that Joel was even on my radar. “I’m here to judge on aura and aura alone. He was just okay.”

I lied.

Erin picked up the pen and marked out the no and checked the maybe.

“Then he’s a maybe for my client.” She walked out the door and a few seconds later she appeared on the other side of the two-way mirror, facd-to-face with Buddy.

Erin’s crystal aura became a very pale orange.

“Geez.” I shook my head.

Poor Erin. She was unlucky in the aura department. As far as auras go, crystal was a chameleon of sorts. And Erin fit the bill perfectly, pretty, quiet, clean, orderly, and simple. The only downfall to having the crystal aura was how they tend to get along with everyone; they can take on the aura color of whomever they are with.

Erin was exactly this.

I looked down at Buddy’s sheet and checked yes knowing he was a no. Maybe, just maybe her super secret client was part daredevil.

I couldn’t help but snicker.

end of excerpt